My Body says: "Fuck You!"

"Just because you’re not sick doesn’t mean you’re healthy" ~Unknown

Once upon a time there was a guy who wrote a tweet about the Earth being as flat as a pancake. Obviously, everybody retweeted that beyond proportion and people actually started to believe it. Like they tend to do, when stuff is retweeted seven-billion times.

Anyway, years and years passed—years in which a vast amount of people were killed, imprisoned or the likes, because they said something else or tried to prove the world was actually spherical; a bit like Trump vs. False Media to put it in perspective, meaning in fact either side was not backed by science or in fact: facts—before “science” actually presented “proof” that the Earth is in fact spherical in shape. Round. Ballsy. Ball-shaped. What-have-you.

Obviously all the other people—the ones believing the Earth was flat, like their brains—tried to remove their tweets and retweeted tweets, so they could align with the—now?—opposition and screaming their lungs out that they always believed the earth was spherical. However, the damage for them was already done. Once tweeted (twit, twat?), stays tweeted (twit, twat?). However, popularity is key here. Repeating people who scream the loudest is obviously key here. Reacting without thinking—or: not thinking at all—is key here.

Over the years we've been bombed with “questionable” knowledge on health and mostly about health food.
And most of this knowledge—housewives? People with too much time on their hands? Fame-cravers?—has been proven false.
It doesn’t matter what the fuck you eat, in the end you'll die. I think this will be a shocker to most of them: breathing health into your system causes death.
Gone gluten-free without a medical reason? You're going to die!
Avoided sugars for 95 percent of your adult life? You're going to die!
No-carb/no-fat/exercise three times a day? You're going to die!

“Healthy is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.” ~Unknown

Look, I get that living a life displayed in “Super-Size Me” doesn't lead to Super-Size You celebrating your ninetieth birthday. However, do you really think that a sugar free/carb free/alcohol free diet makes you want to celebrate your ninetieth birthday? Since that lifestyle is kind of a drag.

Obviously that's my personal opinion, but when I get out of bed I’d like to pour myself a cup of coffee—which was, or still is, also a health issue: apparently coffee is not healthy no matter the huge amount of antioxidants they carry around—and not think about my diet that day.

It's not what you eat, it's how much you eat of it that really makes a difference. Too much sugar is not exactly healthy, but cutting it out of your diet—which is actually impossible, since sugar is a natural ingredient of almost everything; let's face it, if you put photosynthesis under the microscope, you get that everything that is naturally green, is packed with sugar—isn't as healthy as you like to think.

“True healthcare reform starts in your kitchen, not in Washington” ~Anonymous

You can bet your life that whatever fat-craze is tweeted about today, in ten years of time, science will disprove and debunk it like they did with untrue facts about the flat earth. I don't know how many people reading this have actual memories of the Eighties? But I remember a weird craze with work-out video's. Cher and Jane Fonda put one out, for instance. True, they're still around and appear as healthy as ever. But I think that also has something to do with the obscene amount of money they made from these video's. A bit like all the health guru's make huge amounts of money out of convincing people—dictating even—what to eat, what to wear and how to move your body into a healthy lifestyle which will make you last until you're 98 years old. And—again—then you die.

Funny side-line here though—although less funny for the woman in person—Olivia Newton John had a video in that same period—and check the ridiculous costume for a laugh or two—in which she dictated—obviously a career-technical advice from her expert manager—physicality and airhead-robics. "Let me hear your body talk!" Well, my body says Fuck You! Anyway, ultimately Mizz John developed—or at least her cells did—breast cancer. Relieving though—I might not like her, but cancer is a no-go area, even for prospectus enemies—she beat it with a stick or two. However, all that humping around in stupid clothes, excessively promoting a healthy life-style didn't exactly work out.

 

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” ~Mark Twain

Ever since the skin-cancer popping up on my penis, I am a goof for body checks. I now check everything. My skin, my testicles—lumps can be dangerous, fellows—and the functioning of my prostate. Ever since the skin-cancer I have figured out my ABC’s. Which means the skin-cancer ABCDE.

Yet, the other day, I happened to stumble upon (without it being Stumbled Upon, if you catch my drift) an article about this ABCDE.
So, in short (if you've read the article in the link), the ABCDE doesn't always work. It's all a bit like your metabolism needs more sugar than mine. It's different for everybody and every body. It's all how you light it.
It had me thinking though. For instance: I was also told that it's a necessity for a man to have an orgasm 21 times a month to prevent prostate cancer. How true is this then? I don't mind having an orgasm 21 times a month—hell, I’d have an orgasm 21 times a week if it leads to a healthy prostate (21 times a day is a no-go area for someone my age, however. Such a shame!)—but, what if they tweet that this was all bullshit in the end? I don't like doing seventy-five push-up's a day—to keep the doctor away—and find out in the end, that it didn't have any effect whatsoever on the state of my balls. So, in order to stay in the Mark Twain knowledge: to me, to stay healthy means eat kale, drink water and stop fucking.

P.S. the best advise I can give you is this:

“Don’t eat anything your great-great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food. There are a great many food-like items in the supermarket your ancestors wouldn’t recognize as food.. stay away from these” ~Michael Pollan

Meaning, that food never, ever, in the history of men, came in powder form, never as a capsule or a pill, and never as a smoothie-containing-kale.