creating a human McFlurry for personal, promotional reasons...

Men.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” is an often heard device. Obviously, the same can be said about women, cars, plants, and a subscription to Viagra Weekly.

However, women might often be described as “mysterious” creatures—as if they jump directly from the pages of a Stephen King novel—the very same can be said about men.

Before drowning myself into the—twelve step or not—world of my main man Charlie (and you will have to read the novel to truly understand who this Charlie is) I also investigated the world of men. I did not get any further than the areas of dieting, leg-day, hump-day and the latest trends concerning manscaping. The mystery of men is as shallow as—well—a man.

However, the other day I was chatting with a woman called Lorraine—don’t ask—and what she was going on about, even made my quite provocative brain turn into a hard-boiled egg.

Apparently there are baby-momma’s. I know some men conceive a child with a woman—something to do with eggs and sperm whirling together like a human McFlurry, with a new human being as the result—and in the end, ending up in a relationship with a different woman. In any case, the woman, he has a child with is The Baby Momma. I get that.

Seems that is a bit naïve on my part.

Lorraine was talking about baby-momma’s, chicks, side-chicks, side-chick-2,3,4,5 and so on, and wife.

So let me try to describe what she went on and on about. The girlfriend of a man is called “chick”. So far: clear. If the two of them happen to create a human McFlurry, the “chick” is then promoted to “baby-momma”. Still clear?

However, when the guy has another woman on the side—who has time and money for this?—then the “side-chick” is introduced. When that same guy has multiple women on the side of “baby-momma” and the infamous “side-chick”, “side-chick-2” (and further up in number) assimilates in all of these people’s lives. Again, I humbly ask you: who has the fucking time and resources for such a life-style? (Other than Hugh Hefner, I mean; but believe me, in the case of Hefner, there’s no human contact involved, let alone that some-one (accidentally or not) sprouts a McFlurry.)

In the not-so-rare case of a man—described as above minus the Hefner part—dumping the “baby-momma” (Fat? Too-wide-vagina? No-libido? I-take-care-of-a-baby-I-have-no-need-for-a-sex-life-you-will-always-be-second?) for another woman (and it’s not yet completely clear if there’s alimony involved here) then “baby-momma” will remain “baby-momma”, but the new woman (the woman who got the man who got away) will be “chick”, even if at first she was “side-chick”. Do we all still follow?

And, get this: they don’t necessarily have to get along? They don’t necessarily have to like each other. It’s all a bit like a war-zone. Apparently, anyone can sleep (penetration style) with the man (is there a correct term for some idiot like this? “The Hefner”? Or is that only allowed when a guy actually has some money to spend?) and McFlurry their asses off. Although the children created through intercourse-via-the-ass are outnumbered to a flat zero. Frequently the “chick” and “side-chick” 1 through 57, accidentally ‘forget’ to use any form of birth control. Because, obviously—I’m surprised you didn’t know this—“baby-momma” tops them all. The only relationship goal in this case (and there are a lot of these cases) is becoming “baby-momma”. Ranking in hierarchy.

However, they all fight—sometimes quite literally—to become the pinnacle of this soap-opera life, the “wife”. And don’t think there are any wedding bells included. The “wife” is the one woman—no matter the role—whose name is registered (don’t ask!) on Facebook (don’t ask!) in the guy’s (The Hefner™) “relationship status” section.

Perhaps you want to read the previous again. I know I don’t believe people live this kind of life, but I cannot speak for all of you.

Whatever happens to the children is only like a side dish in a trashy restaurant. It’s there on the table, for one reason. To be ignored.

I must have been comatose for twenty years or so, but I honestly did not know this existed. At least not in this form. I was stunned. Stunned.

Look, I’m not a complete idiot. I once too had vital sperm and a certain variety in my sexual diet. My mother warned me about certain women who’d say they were “on the Pill” to trick a guy into marriage. It never happened to me, since I am not quite the marrying material type. I’m a lot of fun on a Saturday night with a couple of vodka’s, but come Monday morning, I’m cranky until it’s Friday again. These women obviously smelled that. You don’t want something like me hovering around the house all week. I guess the few times that “a condom is not necessary, I’m on The Pill”, the woman actually spoke the truth. Let’s not rule these women out, people.

I just can’t understand why anyone would want to spend time, money, sleepless nights and a lifetime of hate towards other women who touch the dick—or whatever else they do with it—of the man (the Hefner™) you love/like/crave/idolize. I don’t understand the men, I don’t understand the women (who are jealous by nature, so why even romanticize such a lifestyle?) and I pity the poor children who are the by-product (if there’s a more correct term to describe these victims of pathetic ego’s, please, correct me!) of this self-inflicted-drama.

There aren’t enough support-groups on the planet to talk reason into these people’s minds…

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Baby mama

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For other uses, see Baby mama (disambiguation).

A baby mama (also baby-mama and baby-mother) is a mother who is not married to her child's father, although the term is often infused with other meanings as well.

Origin

The term originated in Jamaican Creole as "baby-mother" (pronounced [ˈbebi ˈmada]), with the first printed usage appearing in the Kingston newspaper, The Daily Gleaner in 1966. Another Daily Gleaner use dates from November 21, 1989. Originally, the term was used by the fathers of illegitimate children to describe the mothers of their children, but the term is now in general use to describe any single mother. Peter L. Patrick, a linguistics professor who studies Jamaican English, has said of the terms baby mother and baby father, "[they] definitely imply there is not a marriage—not even a common-law marriage, but rather that the child is an 'outside' child". Since entering currency in U.S. tabloids, the terms baby mama and baby daddy have even begun to be applied to married and engaged celebrities.